PAXIL HELL (aka PaxHell)

Hi blogging friends,

Wanted to check in with you guys and not go another couple months before I checked in again.

 Today (and the last 5 days to be exact) I have felt like utter shit. I am coming slowly off my Paxil (starting weaning back in November) and I’m feeling the “withdrawal” or “discontinuation syndrome” as they like to call it. I’ve never felt worse (except when I was hung over, but at least that went AWAY!) and I’m ready for this hell to be over.

 The 20mg to 15mg drop went fine. Sure, I had a few headaches and things but nothing major. I then went from 15mg-10mg and experienced the same things, and again, nothing major. Last Thursday (the 14^th) I decided to drop from 10mg to 5mg and all hell broke loose. Within 24 hours of the drop, I was hit with horrible headaches, nausea, rumbling stomach, dizziness, and the vertigo which kicks in about the same time every night. When I bend over, or close my eyes, I get these zaps in my brain. There is really no way to describe this, unless you’ve had it happen to you. I am no baby in any shape or form. My family jokes that I could get hit by a bus and not notice, so feeling this bad is really wearing me out. I think it’s the fact that it never goes away. For nearly a week straight now, I’ve drug myself to work, but that’s about all I can get done. I find getting out of bed harder and harder in the mornings. I just want to sleep. The only thing that’s keeping me moving is the fact that eventually, this will be gone. *whew*

Update: Still sober, engaged, and REALLY busy

Hello blogging friends.

 I apologize about my long term absence from wordpress. I have so so much going on right now that finding time to blog is nearly impossible. I hope you all are doing well (and staying sober).

First of all, I’M ENGAGED! This happened back on 1/26. I’ve never been happier and wedding planning sure does take a lot of time! We are getting married on September 6^th and then leaving that night for our “honeymoon” to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.  I cannot wait! The wedding will be small. We are getting married at a park that looks over the tri state area. After that we will have some cake and food and then be on our merry way! Neither of us can justify spending thousands of dollars just to be married, and I’m quite happy with what we have planned. It takes away a lot of stress that we’d have to endure over the next 6 months.

Second… I’m 8 months and some odd days sober! Yay! I’ve been doing really well. I don’t even think about drinking that much anymore. Sometimes I wish I could indulge in a glass of wine but usually the moment is over before I have time to dwell on it. I usually ask myself if I could even have JUST one glass of wine and I have to laugh at myself and say “of course not” and move on. We went to house party the other weekend for a friend’s birthday party and everyone was drinking except for me. It didn’t bother me until the drinking games started. I felt a little left out and expressed to my fiancé that after the game was over, we should probably get going. It’s not even that I felt the NEED to drink, I just felt like the odd man out (even though no one really made me feel that way) and didn’t want to make everyone else feel awkward. It was really nice to get out and meet some new people.

 I honestly still can’t believe I’ve made it this far. I have friends constantly congratulating me on it and it makes me feel good. I think the worry of “what will people think of me” has worn off and I’ve eased into “well, screw em’” if they have anything to say about it. I’m really excited about my 1 year which will be here before we know it!!

You may remember me complaining in older posts about my debt, and how I really wanted it gone. I sucked it up and got myself another job. I went back to a place I’ve worked on and off since I was 16. It’s been really great so far, I’ve made a huge dent in my debt and before the year is over it will ALL be paid off. Plus, when my taxes get here I will pay a HUGE part of it off. I can’t express how good it feels to take the reins in my own life and actually do something that’s going to make my life BETTER! Sure it sucks sometimes to put in 12 hour days, and miss things like the super bowl, and friends parties and events, but I will soon be debt free, and that’s going to feel amazing!

 Okay, well this is all for now everyone. I am doing my best to keep up with you all!