When I try to think of words to describe the last 1,278 days of my life, I find that I’m not sure I have the capacity define it. Sobriety is honestly a feeling. It’s a permanence you live, breathe, and other times fight and question. A simple outing for one, can put up quite internal struggle for someone in sobriety. Periods of persuasive thoughts and raw emotion are par for the course, and it never quite seems to feel as simple as it should. You have to be careful not to let your guard down. There are days that I feel quite content, and then on particularly hard and stressful days, I need a hard reminder as to why I made this decision in the first place. I tend to overanalyze my “choice”, and in the process, painstakingly think about many of the unwise things I did, said, and felt during those days, and realize that it was not a choice as I like to try convince myself of, but a necessary transformation for the preservation of my character and wellbeing.
Recognizing the potential for a lifetime of struggle and disease, as well as making the choice to quit drinking was the most courageous decision I’ve ever made for myself. It’s something that I am humbly proud of. Cheers to three and a half years!