To Marathon or Not to Marathon…

Well guys, I’m struggling. I feel like I’m at a point that I need to make a Yes or No decision about whether or not I want to do this marathon. I’m not training like I want to do this marathon. I was supposed to run 30 miles last week, and I ran 8. I was sick most of the week, but I feel like I was capable of doing way more than I did.  It’s hard to explain the lack of motivation, and even though I have absolutely nothing better to do, I can’t seem to drag myself out of the door to go get my running in. The funny thing is, once I’m out there I really enjoy it. I’ve always enjoyed running, obviously. I know though, that I can’t complete a marathon running 8 miles a week. I came up with a plan the last time I wrote here to do my 2 shorter runs during the week inside on the treadmill (until it gets lighter outside) and then my 2 longer runs on the weekend. It seems like 4 days a week should be pretty attainable, but I’m SO backlogged in miles that I’ve missed , I have to run 5 or 6 days a week to get to set amount of miles I should be running each month. I’m overwhelmed by running 5 or 6 times a week.  So what do I do? I don’t run at all. I feel like I really shouldn’t be calling myself a runner. There are so many people I see on twitter and Dailymile running 70 miles a week. I don’t know how these people do it.

 The thing I struggle with the most is running outside at night ALONE. I hate running on the treadmill. Not only do I run about 2 minutes slower per mile on the treadmill, it’s just plain boring, and I want to stop so much sooner. I’d love to run outside every night but I get scared to run alone. Am I being overly paranoid? Probably..but I don’t feel safer with a can of mace or pepper spray like a lot of people do. I’ll run all day alone when it’s light out, but as soon as the sun goes down it’s a different story for me. It’s funny, when people I knew saw that I would run 10 or 12 miles alone on the canal, they’d freak out. For some reason that doesn’t bother me, but running alone at night does. I know for a FACT that I run 10x more in the summer time because it’s light until 9 or so. This is a lot of the problem. I’m bored with the treadmill, but I don’t want to run outside alone in the dark after work.

 \I have two options from here. Nix the marathon, or get my ass in gear and start properly training for this thing. I don’t want to just quit training. I really don’t. So I’ve got to get a move on. I need to find someone to run with, or stop being so afraid of running alone. I know that I can’t run 5 days a week on a treadmill.

Ebb and Flow…..

Hello everyone.

My journey with Gluten free is coming along quite well. It’s amazing how only 8 or 9 days can make such a difference in the way that I feel. I’ve suffered no headaches, no nausea, no debilitating exhaustion and extreme fatigue. The biggest thing of all? NO JOINT PAIN! This is the first time in years and years that I haven’t had achy, throbbing joints. It’s absolutely amazing. I feel, well.. normal! For the first time in years, I can eat without being bloated and uncomfortable for hours after eating. I can only imagine how good I’m going to feel in a few months. While it’s been a trying and exhausting first week or so, I think eventually I will have it down pat and it will be a lot easier to live with this disease.

While that aspect of my life seems to be going well, I’m also letting go of one part of my life. My boyfriend and I have mutually decided to go our separate ways. As these decisions usually are, it was a hard decision to make, but in the end I truly do want him to be as happy as possible, and I’m not sure that was happening with me. This brings me to a standstill with running. I have no direction. I’ve run with another person for 10 months. I can’t even remember running alone, and how I did it. I think what a lot of people don’t understand is that I see NOTHING wrong in running alone, but I fear for my safety. I’m not really a fan of running in the dark by myself. I could arm myself with pepper spray, and all that stuff but it’s not the same as running with another person. I don’t live in a neighborhood. I live on a rural road that’s highly travelled by eighteen wheelers and cars getting off interstate 81, not a mile down the road. It’s not really a safe road to be running on. I’m thinking about running 2 of my 4 runs during the week on my treadmill at home, and running my 2 longer runs on the weekends when it’s light out. As it becomes lighter outside, I will re-align my schedule. What else can I do? Which leads me to my 3 races already scheduled this year. I suppose I will do them. I’ve already paid for them. I have a half on 3/10 and 3/17. The Rock and roll half on 3/17 is in DC. I had planned on staying in DC with friends, but that is no longer an option, so now I wonder what I’ll do. I can’t navigate through DC alone. I hope I can con a map friendly pal to come along with me and stand for about 2 hours and 15 minutes while I run. That sounds fun, right? *sigh*

As far as the marathon, I don’t even want to think about it. I thought I’d be going through training and this race with someone, and now I’m not. My parents will be on vacation so they will not be there (same as my first half), I have no one to run with, and probably no sane friends that will wait around for 5 hours while I run a marathon. I have many lovely friends on Twitter giving me all kinds of good advice “the finish line is waiting” and “do it for yourself” and many other things I appreciate, but honestly, I’m saddened that my greatest accomplishment in running will not be witnessed by anyone. Sometimes, the only thing pushing ME on in a race is knowing that someone is waiting on me at the end. My step brother came to my first Half marathon to cheer me on. I honestly don’t know if I would have completed it had I had no one there to greet me when I’m done. Maybe I’m weak.. who knows. It’s not that I’m doing it for the other person, but it’s just nice to have someone cheering you on and yelling your name as you hurl yourself across that finish line. I will always be thankful my step brother was there for me, and I’ll never forget it. So this will be a journey inside of a journey. I really want this marathon. I want it more than I’ve wanted a lot of things. If I get to the starting line, than I’ve already won half the battle…training.

Hello all.

Today starts week three of marathon training. It’s hard to believe that we only have 15 more weeks to go (okay.. it is. That’s still a lot of time). We are using the Hal Higdon Novice 1 training plan. It’s been pretty simple so far. It’s 4 runs a week, a day of cross training and 2 days of rest. For the most part, a lot of the weekly runs right now are 3 to 5 miles so it’s nothing too trying. Hopefully by the time we are doing 7-9 mile runs during the week, it will be a little lighter outside.

This past Saturday I went out for a solo 7 mile run while Mike was off helping his parents. It was a very chilly start. My hands were freezing and I was cursing myself for not wearing gloves. I had on a tee-shirt, my running jacket I got at Annapolis, and capris. After a while I was regretting wearing the jacket, but it would have been more cumbersome to wear it around my waist so I just ran with it (pun intended).  I made one ginormous mistake, however. I wore my brand new Brooks PureFlow. Ouch. Bad idea, and I honestly knew better. I had only done one 3 mile run in them so I’m not sure why I thought it would be okay to do a 7 mile run in them. I honestly didn’t even think twice that morning. It wasn’t until about mile 2 that I really noticed my ankle bothering me. This is also the same ankle I had X-rayed while I was on my one month running hiatus, therefore I’m not really sure if it was the shoes or some underlying issue. Still, I can’t imagine the shoes were helping. I went from the New Balance Rev lites that I had, to these which have a fairly large difference in heel to toe drop from my old shoes. I could really feel the shoes forcing me to have a more mid to forefront strike. It’s going to be a major adjustment getting used to these shoes and I think It was a mistake to get these shoes beginning marathon training. The guy at the local running store didn’t really stress that it would be such a big adjustment, and clearly I didn’t know better.

Anyway, I finished the run in 1:14 and I slowed down at the end trying to help a fellow runner find her dog. I was happy with the time. It’s a faster minute per mile than I normally average so I won’t complain. For being in pain, I didn’t do too bad.

I’m a little anxious about only doing 1 twenty-mile run during training, and I’m getting mixed reviews from other runners. I get that you are supposed to be able to do 26.2 if you can do 20, but we know it’s way more of a mental game then physical  at that point anyway. Sometimes even on half marathons, I start to break down with the ‘I can’t do this’ and wanting to walk, so I worry that if I don’t venture beyond 20 miles that I won’t have the confidence to know I REALLY can do it on race day (plus to me.. 6.2 miles into the unknown still seems like A LOT).  I may just tweak the last couple long runs on the schedule. I know when I ran my first half marathon, the plan said to stop at 10 miles, but I’m a person who needs to know I can do something, so I made my last long run a little over 12 miles. It gave me much more confidence during the race. Anyway, I’ll figure that out as the longer long runs approach.

So that’s how things have been going so far. I’ll catch back up next week in Week 4.

Pain and Running..

Greetings!

A lot has been happening as of lately. First and foremost, I’m back into the running scene! Marathon training started on 12/26 for my very first marathon on 4/29/12 in historic Gettysburg PA. The first week is pretty mild and consists of only 3 three mile runs and one 6 mile run. We got to do the first run outside on the C&O canal. It was quite nice. It’s the first outside run I’ve had since 11/19. It was chilly, and windy but we warmed up quick and finished in 33 minutes. This is pretty much where we left off pace wise, so hopefully that month off didn’t cause too much of a fitness loss. I look back to my 16.2 mile run in November and remember just how hard it was. I know that tackling the marathon will be quite a challenge but hopefully more rewarding than the 4 months of hard work we are going to do in training. I’ve also signed up for my very first Rock and Roll race! I’m doing the RnR DC on St. Patty’s day! It should be a fun time. I really am having a lot of fun with the Half marathon distance. I guess I’ll know after my marathon if I will ever choose to do another or move into ultras.

On a more personal note, I’ve got some weird medical things going on that I’m hoping do not impede my running and training schedule.  For as long as I can remember I’ve always had problems with my knees hurting and aching. Eventually it became elbows, wrists, and fingers in addition to my knees. In the month that I took off running my aches and pains really started to take over my normal life. I had a swollen ankle with horrible pain that appeared with no injury, and yet the x-ray’s show nothing. I’ve had weak limbs, aching arms and legs, weird tingling sensations in my shoulder blades, neck and back.. and a whole other slew of strange things all start to act up at once. I made several visits to the doctors that ended  with nothing but pointless antibiotic and curious shrugs. It’s really been frustrating. Finally after ending up in the hospital after both my legs locked up and left me unable to walk, did I get a doctor that finally seemed much more interested in helping me out. I explained to him the incident with my legs and the next incident only a few days later that happened when my shoulder blade locked up and I could not move it and had very limited range of motion. He referred me to a Rheumatologist and a Neurologist to get me pointed in the right direction. I’m not scared, yet more focused on finding out what is wrong with me and moving on to management and treatment. I’m beginning to feel crazy. I know I look normal, but I feel like a 90 year old in a 25 year old body. The simplest things can be hard for me at times. In the mornings my swollen wrists prevent me from doing anything from opening a water bottle to unzipping my wallet. I always hurt, and ache. I’m always thinking “Why me? I’m 25 years old and I’ve run 3 half marathons..why can’t I do these simple tasks?” So anyway, I hope to have any appointment with a Rheumatologist soon and we can get going on finding out what’s up with my body!