Learning to Cope

Hello readers.

Well my vacation is only 2 working days away (I’m not counting today, because it’s already half over) and I couldn’t be more excited. I really need a break from reality. I need a break from work, and the boredom I’ve been living because I’m too damn broke to do anything. Since I’ve quit drinking my creative juices have started flowing.. the only bad thing? There is no money flowing to keep up with my ideas. I’m restless, bored, and I’m just so glad a REAL 7 day vacation is lingering just around the corner. I need it badly.

I’ve come to realize another reason why I drank. Money problems. While this doesn’t make sense  to most (how can you drink if you have no money?), it just clicked for me. I’ve been so stressed out by my financial state for years. I make less than $24,000 a year. I live paycheck to paycheck, and can never really buy nice things for myself. This is freaking depressing. I live to work, and work to live. Drinking was how I coped with falling down the big black hole of debt. I have medical bills I’ve been paying for over a year and I’m STILL paying on them. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even check the mailbox anymore. In fact, I have one bill I just never paid, and it stopped coming to me. This is my personality flaw. When I don’t want to deal with something, I just shut off from it, and I know it’s wrong. Drinking made me forget that it was wrong. Now that I’m not drinking, it’s not as easy to ignore my bills and I’m finally adding shit up, and I’m in a lot of debt. Last night I couldn’t even sleep. I can’t turn my brain off. So much I need to do to make a better life for myself.

I’ve shredded both of my credit cards and decided that once I pay off all my debt (minus the car) I’m finally moving out of this town that I hate so much. Once that debt is gone, I’m really leaving, and that is my incentive to stop spending money I don’t have and finally pay off these stupid bills. My dream has always been to live in the south, preferably near the beach. My family has come across Georgetown, SC. It’s perfect. It’s my dream. So I am doing it. No excuses. I am leaving MD, and heading to the south, and I’m never looking back.

So basically what it comes down to, is that I have a shitty coping mechanism, and rather than dealing with ANYTHING that came my way, I took the easy way out by drinking. Now.. it’s time to deal with things.